An audience with Francis Wheen in Founders Main Lecture Theatre, Royal Holloway, Egham, TW20 0EX.

Award winning journalist for the Guardian, radio showman and one of the most frequent returning guests to Have I Got News For You is coming to Royal Holloway to entertain us, and talk about his latest book, How Mumbo-Jumbo Conquered the World as part of the Runnymede Literary Festival. Guaranteed to be a fun and enlightening talk!

Not much time left!

Book tickets now on 01784477304 for £5

More details on this and the rest of the festival’s events available from www.rfest.co.uk

Ok people, I’d like your help.

I’d like to compile a list of words which I hope to use in my social experiment…I would love you all to give me:

1. words that sound sensual/sexual/dirty/erotic
2. words that sound disguisting/distastful/repulsive

Even if you only give one word each that would be great!

First one to start the ball rolling – my housemate thinks “squirt” is the most repulsive word she’s ever heard

I thought fabuliso for a second and then came to my senses – why today of all days have I received 20 times as many views as usual? Well…my friends…it turns out to be that in my ‘social experiment’ blog, one of my tags is “naked”, which seems to be quite a popular search! Might search it myself and see what turns up (maybe not while sitting in a crowded library computer room though…), I’m pretty sure my blog has disappointed many a fine pervert today…and hopefully helped them see the error of their ways.

I’m seeing another experiment coming…so this is a warning for my near future blog…he he ho ho ho

Also helps you understand why all those blogs by women talking about their sex lives are so popular. Should have used that as inspiration for a theme for my blog and then if we have to write about the progression of our blogs I can talk about attracting all sorts of randomers to my site who have a particular fascination in…tags.

Yeah right…

Guys should beware psychotic (and usually alcohol induced) frenzied attacks from our best of British ladies!

If a guy says no, it means no….unless you’re determined/desperate and you get him drunk and seduce him anyway.

How’s this for a warning!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/4253849.stm

I’m really pissed off! I spent all today geeking it up in the library for an essay I’m doing – I finished getting all my quotes from the novel in question, 6 books of secondary sources, a detailed essay plan so all I need to do now is write it up…..actually, at about 9pm all I had to do was write it up. I’ve refused to go to bed until it’s typed up….this is the easy bit for goodness sake! I’ve typed up my introduction, my first two points and then my motivation died. I tried to boost it by having a small break, nothing. I got fed up with myself and typed up all my quotes, footnoted them and typed my bibliography. All I need to is is write the blurb to connect all my quotes together and actually turn it into an essay…but it’s now after 01:30 and I’m getting up at 06:00 for a full day of work and class :-s

La la la la, I think I’ll forget about it again and think of going out again! Taking on board various comments from my previous entry I’ll be doing a bit of experimenting with different types of dressing and trying to collect different responses (if sober enough…if not, analyse photos and facebook wall messages). So…my dressing social experiment will include:

• 999 night this friday – I wanted to be a fireman! Very disappointed to have no luck finding anything though for anyone above the age of 8. So police instead, and the ‘nakey-scale’ will be low to medium
• rocky horror show next thursday – ‘nakey-scale’ will most likely be off the scale. Thinking combination of corset and dog collars, but maybe wear a wig to disguise my nakedness…

• chav night – I’m still worried about this. As someone who’s never worn a tracksuit in their whole life, never even owned hoop ear rings (not saying people who wear hoops are chavs by the way!)…but yeah, wardrobe issues aside, ‘nakey-scale’ is stone cold. In fact, this will be thee most unattractive unflattering thing I will EVER wear and to be honest, I’m a little bit worried about photographic evidence. I’m thinking I’ll be pregnant though…
• come in your kit night – sports shirt and shorts/jeans/skirt. Boring! ‘Nakey-scale’ will be at the bottom again.

So let the trauma begin!

P.S. random useless piece of information by the way…in good old Northern Ireland (that’s Norn Iron in the local accent…beautiful, isn’t it?) we call ‘chavs’, ‘spides’, and female versions are called ‘millies’, which makes it quite amusing when we hear of English girls called Milly. Also country-bumpkin weirdo people are called ‘culchies’!

I have trouble trying to explain to my friends back home what it’s like here and giving excuses as they appear shocked from seeing new pictures appearing online…75% to do with my outfits and 25% to do with poses. ok…making this sound really dodgy but as Holloweigens you should know what I mean!

Going to a normal club about town you know what music you’re getting, you know what sort of people will be there and you know how to dress. Anything too outrageous and you can expect abuse, stares and feeling awkward. However, I feel that we’re free from these sorts of restrictions at uni – please tell me everyone agrees with me! :-s Our uni is small, incestuous and you tend to half recognise most people on a night out even if you don’t know them. In one way that’s quite depressing, but in another way, it gives a community feel and you can have more of a laugh because it’s almost like you’re surrounded by friends. I don’t know if I’m epxressing this well enough. Hmm..

Generally I feel that for dress up nights, which are usually once a fortnight get people excited a bit more and just as guys like the excuse to wear girls’ short skirts and little tops, the girls have to take it a step further. You can be a bit more extravagent, random, risquee…whatever you feel like and it isn’t a big deal because it’s ‘only the union’ and the social codes are different between it and other clubs.

 But the question is…have we taken it too far? Tom and Gareth both say they’re repulsed (i’m putting words in your mouths, but that’s the suggestion you were giving) by bigger girls wearing hardly any clothes. Is this an issue for our union? Are we lowering the tone by girls leaving nothing to the imagination and looking easy? Do some people think people go too far with their outfits?…on moulin rouge night I saw girls wearing babydolls with stockings…is that a lot worse than corsets and ruffle skirts?? And if weight’s an issue – should we be saying that some – slimmer girls are allowed to dress scantly clad but there should be a limit (weight, size, measurements) so we don’t disgust people??

I’ve never thought too much about this before because I always thought you could dress a bit crazy at the union and it was only a laugh and did no harm. I don’t find the way I dress makes people look at me differently (unless maybe everyone’s just used to it by now..) and although there’s always the odd drunken sleaze, I find that if you’re dancing with your friends then people know you’re not on the look out and leave you be. One of my friends, who is usually on the prowl when we’re out, moves away from our group when dancing so guys see that she’s interested. I’d love to be some sort of wildlife documentary presenter about different types of people at the union…maybe my next post!

 But please – I’d love to hear your opinions on this one!

 Please read it – it’s short and INCREDIBLE

http://lingoslinger.wordpress.com/ the story’s called ‘Blank like me’

Did anyone read in the last Orbital an article by some first year about the disgrace that is Founders food? I wish it was available online so I could link it…hmm…don’t think so. Anywho, it was a scathing report moaning about chicken with a bit of blood, giving off about catering for people with particular food needs, in particular, the vegetarian section. Oh! And she managed to slip in the odd offensive comment about the staff and patronise the head of catering. Hmph! I was almost tempted to reply to her article in the Orbital…but I decided to take the mature approach…and instead studied her photograph so I can recognise her and remember to spit in her food/be particularly stingy with the portion/over charge her. MWAHAHAHA!

Now to defend my dear Founders. I won’t deny it, it’s not perfect. I lived in Williamson Halls in first year and ate there for dinner for a year (..and put on a stone come to think of it..). We all like to make little jokes about the food occasionally and slag it off in a teasing way, and I make no excuse that is the horrendous costs of eating there if you don’t get the 50% discount! But aside from that, you stick with it because you asked for catered halls, you’re getting cheap food and you don’t have to cook! Some things are just right to be sent back – something in it, not cooked through, etc. It can be gross, you take it back, you get a new one/something different/a refund – end of story! When a chef makes a chicken dish he’s cooking 50 chicken breasts at a time and then a percentage of them get temperature checked.  A pink chicken breast is not good for the tummy…a bit of blood does not hurt you…although I’m not trying to persuade that you should all eat bloody meat if that’s not your thing. This girl (and she will only be called a “girl” because her general written skills are not worthy of being deemed as anything more mature) moaned an awful lot about the vegetarian dishes – meh. Some of the dishes are good, some are a bit crap. Depends how many chefs are on and if they have functions to cook for as well, at the same time. Same with all the food really, but we’re students – who are we to be all that fussy? Cheap and chappy me thinks! Every night the chefs prepare food for general meat eaters, halal meat eaters, vegetarian food and individual dishes for wheat allergies etc. I don’t think they’re doing too badly!

Eugh…my argument isn’t as convincing/angry as it first was in my head…but the sleepiness is controlling me completely at the moment, but as a final bitchy comment about this girl and her meagre attempts at writing – she also wrote an article in the Orbital about how girls at Royal Holloway degrade themselves by dressing scantly-clad at Halloween by dressing up as bunny girls etc. and what a bad image this is portraying of us. It was gay but I thought everyone’s entitled to their opinions…what annoyed me was that she ended her article by saying that despite everything she just wrote she was getting out her bunny ears for the Halloween night at the union. **rolls eyes**

People like her make me feel like we all have that much better a chance at being successful in the world of writing, whatever direction we end up going in!

1. Avoid Christmas music. Strictly prohibited from being played in my uni house. Channel must be changed immediately with any adverts with such songs come on tv and running out of shops is compulsary at the mere hint of bells, or worse, Mariah Carey.

 2. Shops is an important issue. Mainly to avoid them. I did all my Christmas shopping a month ago…and largely online. No crazy Christmas shoppers, no hassle, so Santa’s grotto and no aforementioned music. Also clever because I’m no stress free and actually have free music to throw at shops with pretty clothes that have already begun their sales.

3. MUST-NOT-LOOK-DIRECTLY-INTO-THE-LIGHT! Advertising Argos to the whole of your town by showing how much flashing, multi-coloured shit you can plaster your house and garden in is not necessary.

4. To avoid becoming a complete Scrooge, some level of festive traditions are recommended. IN DECEMBER I went to (and thoroughly enjoyed!) Rock Gospel Choir and Absolute Harmony’s Christmas concert as well as the Chamber Choir’s Christmas concert. A reminder what it’s all about and making you feel happy in your tummy.

5. Mince pies, mulled wine and brandy butter. Mmmmm….

So as I said, 4 days until Christmas and now I’m quite happy to help my mum finish decorating the house, I don’t scream if a corny Christmas no. 1 song comes on (Mariah will always be an exception I’m afraid) and I’m very excited about our annual Christmas Eve dinner party! Other people back here all get pissed on Christmas Eve in their local pub with their whole family – does anyone else think that sounds really odd?? Where’s the enjoyment in a hungover Christmas Day? And who wants their parents and grandparents to see them wasted??? I, knowing fine rightly what I’m like when I’m drunk…would rather not.

Sidetracked a little bit there…hope everyone has a fabulous Christmas, eats too much and watches Doctor Who Christmas special!

We’ve all seen on the news and in newspapers stories about children falling to learn how to read and write, and although I’ve heard it mentioned numerous times I didn’t really believe it. I feel you always need to take news stories with a pinch of salt as they just like to make a media frenzy of something really quite small and insignificant occasionally.

In my first class on my first day doing teacher training experience at my school I had the most hellish class of them all. The main teacher screamed at the class for 25 minutes with no avail to control them. Another teacher was called in to shout at them and try to make them feel bad for acting so badly and then after 3 pupils were sent to the head and 4 put on report we were able to begin any sort of work! And even then the class was not easy. There was one simple task set – to write up a report for the head teacher detailing how you would organise a Christmas concert for the school. I went round the class helping people who weren’t writing and doing some brainstorming with them to get them thinking. I experienced:

• Two girls trying to start arguments with the teacher so they could get sent out of class too
• Two girls trying to get me into conversation to avoid having to work and telling me they wish I could be their teacher…because they think it would be a doddle (mental note: must put forward argument to bring back canes)
• One boy who had written nothing. He wasn’t loud or disruptive but just didn’t understand what to do. I explained it to him again, talked through some ideas with him (he wrote down my points word for word) and then just told him to expand each point into a paragraph as I had talked him though how to do.
  • I came back to him at the end of the class and he hadn’t written any more since I had left him earlier
• One boy who hadn’t even opened him book and was sitting back in his chair doing nothing. I asked him why he hadn’t started and he said he couldn’t be bothered. I asked him what sort of excuse that was and his friend next to him apologised for him and said that he wasn’t in the mood to work that day but he’d be working again by tomorrow. I asked him what would he do if he couldn’t be bothered on the day of one of his GCSEs and he replied he wouldn’t do them then. As far as he was concerned, school was a chore he had to deal with until he turned 16, or even better, until he got expelled. I told the teacher what he had said and she spoke to him but then left him there doing nothing – he wasn’t disrupting the class so he needn’t be sent out. How are we meant to deal with pupils like that?

The bell rang and everyone left – praise the lord! I was chatting to the teacher after the class and talking about some of the pupils – in particular I was most disappointed in the boy who had written nothing since I left him. She then told me that this class was particularly bad for pupils who could barely read or write. This class were 14 by the way. The three who were sent out were notorious for causing so much hassle that they had to be sent out. For a lot of teenagers in this situation, they would rather become disruptive and deal with the consequences than be seen as being “stupid” in front of their class and friends.

On Friday I helped out in a year 7 special literacy class for about 10 pupils who had trouble reading or writing. I thought this was a really great class set up by the school allowing children with difficulties to improve their skills in a smaller group and without the worry of being mocked by other children at higher levels. But even within this small class I was asked to sit beside one particular boy who needed special attention and liked to have a teacher to himself. In his primary school he had one-on-one time with a teacher all day every day and so, was struggling a lot in secondary school in classes of 20 or more and all at a higher level of understanding than him. This was such a heart wrenching case – I really found so upsetting. The class began with a spelling test, my boy getting 3 out of 10. He got upset and frustrated because he said he’d got some of these words right before and he knew how to spell them in his head but they came out wrong when he came to write them down. While the rest of the class went on to read Rohl Dahl’s The Witches, we did spelling corrections. I wrote out the word correctly and asked his to write it out 10 times below it for each word.

You’d have thought I asked him to write a 20,000 word essay from his reaction and he got very stressed and anxious about writing down so many words. At one point he made a mistake and he got really angry – calling himself stupid over and over again. I told him not to call himself that because he wasn’t and he said “why not? Everyone else does. I am stupid – everyone just laughs at me. I’m just a mistake, a mistake even to be born”. I scolded him for putting himself down like that, told him he wasn’t stupid and that it was a terrible thing to suggest that he was a mistake to be born, to which he replied “I am a mistake, my mum told me. She hates me”. Apparently the mum is a complete bitch – refuses to come into the school to discuss his progress, has no interest or involvement in his education and from what I saw, is seriously guilty of neglect. His uniform was dirty and I have never encountered a child so young with no self-worth or positive outlook on his life.

His case was an exceptional one, he has learning difficulties as well as a hellish home but in the case of all the others teenagers I met who could barely read and write (and there were many) I wonder how much can really be done for them. The problems seems to be that they haven’t learned to master it by the time they’ve left primary school which gives them an immediate disadvantage upon entering secondary level and a much harder chance of being able to catch up. Especially once they become old enough to rebel and no longer care about learning these crucial basics.

I found an article which is related to a documentary channel 4 showed: http://www.channel4.com/news/articles/dispatches/why+our+children+cant+read/937947. I find it really interesting how they’re finding new ways to teach children how to recognise words and learn to read and write – but are the teaching methods where the problem arises from? Maybe you don’t agree with me, and this is only my opinion, but I think the same thing about fat kids – it’s the parents fault.

If a child’s family takes an active role in their child’s education then they’ll have an enormous advantage. Especially as we know how quickly children learn at a young age, so they earlier they start, the better. I don’t believe the excuses of some people who say that this is too much of a middle class thing to do and that working class backgrounds are too busy working etc. to spend hours teaching their kids themselves and not everyone’s academic to do so – there is always time to have with yours kids and playing can be educational – learning the alphabet, being able to write your own name, being read stories in bed. Whether you’re academic or not is irrelevant – if you can’t read or write you’re at a huge disadvantage no matter what career path you take.