I don’t see why people don’t discuss what animal they would be more often! Well actually, it’s quite easy why not – it’s depressing. There’s no real good animal to be. I remember a few years back when I wasn’t a cynical bitch and my boyfriend at the time told me I was like a cat. I was all happy being a cat lover and thought “fabulous, pretty, elegant and independent” only to be corrected that my supposed feline characteristics were ’selfish, proud and vain’. He was a lovely chap…I’m sure we’d still be together now if it wasn’t for that mysterious yet tragic incident involving a tractor, two pots of honey and 12 geese.

You might have thought after my slightly traumatic discovery of what someone thought of me would make me more considerate onto other, but alas, with spending 14 years in an all-girl school that was clearly never going to happen. “Oh god, it’s rat girl” we’d hiss before scrunching up our faces and squeaking in a high pitched broad accent as she walks past. Harsh you think? You wouldn’t if I was allowed to post a picture of her up here. There’s also been fish girl and whale girl – whale girl had nothing to do with her physique and a lot more to do with noises heard through thin walls at night! But still, they were still some of the lucky ones; some people didn’t even make it as animals, such as man-girl and witch-girl. Good times.

But choosing animals for people doesn’t have to be a wholly bitchy topic! Discussing the topic again the other night with two of my friends, one told me that her mother said she would be a Spaniel as she’s “overly enthusiastic and friendly and her hair resembles their ears” – love it! Spaniel, as she shall now be known then decided that our other friend looks like a moose and I, I am a bald eagle with my obsession that all my hair’s gone and I look and feel bald. We do make an attractive bunch!

A tad more disturbingly, before my bald eagle days, over the last 5 years or so at least 6 different people without any warning have referred to me as being a snake. (Poor me, still bald.) I don’t know whether to be self conscious of the length of my tongue, if they don’t find my sthexy lisp quite so sexy anymore or if I’m just meant to be bad. Either way, I’ve heard it sooo many times throughout the years that I’ve endeared it – I find snakes quite pretty now, like snakes on jewelry and even considered getting a snake tattoo (we’ll not mention details but glad to say I decided against it).

So my lovelies, it’s time to let go of your pride and think of your true animal! Flick through pictures, try and see how others see you and not how you like to see yourself. Perhaps your funny, quirky and individual features or habits. It’s all just a giggle remember!